Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Chut~opia:-The story of J.B.Nagar,Andheri East,mum-59

I Have lotta free time these days...mainly coz its the season we restaurant people fear the most,tis' the silly season of shravan wer Marathi ppl do not eat non-veg food and outside stuff for a whole darn month its been a very greulling,painfully long low profit last 30 days!

But during the free time which i had,which BTW i spend mostly hanging outside my restaurant sitting on other ppls parked bikes checking chicks out as they come out to go to the "temple"(read their boy freinds)with devotion so religious that it wud make asaraam babu look ike a romeo passing lewd comments at the village market bai's.

I got a lot of time to see the way evolution has taken its course on my neighbourhood which i never really did since my 'saadk-chaap' days were behind me!

Now from what i hear wen i tell ppl i live in JB nagar is a big WOW! and followd by..the chick r really hot over there ...for the people of marol pipeline,chimatpada,pumphouse,sahar,kondivita JBN is Bandra carter road or werevr cool people hang out!

I mean blah,blah,blah...yes JBN has real pricey real estate in andheri east,last i heard my house was valued at 1.5 crores! yes ppl my upstairs guy offered my dad that much! it is close to the air port,station,has all types of shops u cud imagine and the pretty gals to top it off!

But wat was the real eye opener was the crowd that hangs out in totaly harmony,it's like an Indian United colours of benneton ad except more ugly and badly dressed!

There is every possible group that hangs out from the marol mamu's(mullas),the ghetto boys(pavli guys),the marwari maruders to the punjabi punks and the ghaati maalyas(the mechanics)!
these guys all come in cars mostly borrowed from a buddy or frm the garage the work in listening to outrageous music to impress grls which they never talk to! from Sean Paul's shake dat thing to sukhbir's panjaabi munda tera laand khada these guys occasionally belt a track or two frm some emraan hashmi starrer to impress the odd school grl too!

like dogs,every group has it own parking territory wer only they can park these groups i have seen are totally sausage fests !!man!! i have never seen any gal with em,not evn a ugly1!

The dressing of these guys is aslo summing which has to be the best and the most entertaining feature...most of the guys dress up like garage workers on der day off,the marol crowd dons the pathani,the punju crowd is all abt the sleeveless T's which highlights der huge butter chickan' bellies!,the ghetto boys all dress up like 50 cents and then there is the fashion rip offs who sport the fake Ed Hardy T's!

The girls! the best part! every year JBN has the skank of the year award for the grl who sleeps with all the car wallas! i wud love to name them but ill keep it a secret coz i know a few of them!!(only coz they r my restaurant patrons!) the grls in JBN r totally 1 dimensional thers is the group which thinks JBN is like the coolest place ever!!! and the other bunch who are wannabe townies who live in 1 bhk flats!! but none the less 1 thing i love abt the area is the Girls...its like only a generation away frm havin some pole dancers and strippers!
Another fascinating aspect is the ppl i grew up with most of them all pretended to be Big shots they behaved like holier than thou with me i cud never figure out y,but this month i found out it was coz of the fact i was better of than most of em...i knew more chicks than them,had a bigger house,car,bike watevr u knw!BTW all of them r unemployed and hang nr the pan walla drinking beer outa a bag all day long!

how do i know all this ??

coz until 3 years ago even i was one of them!!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Up yours! all ya ney sayers!


As i have my victory smoke and publish this i can only say I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY A LONG LONG TIME!
7 years,5 colleges and 5 lak rupees later I am a proud GRADUATE!
From now on Vivek Nayak is nobodys bitch,im no longer at the mercy of the so called professors who kept constantly telling me i need an attitude adjustment! well Up yours assums losers!

Now i have my totally worthless Graduation cert telling everyone im a graduate of hotel management of the first class variety in a third world industry which pays u not peanuts but its discarded skins!

But then again who ever said the 6 o'clock news is pretty?

but also then again im not much of a news person! so i really don't care !

Now that i have my valued degree im gonna wait for a week till i get a copy and then the black parade shall begin,which involves me going to all the people and rubbing it in their faces and making them realize that the Rich,arrogant and intelligent people can never be stopped coz its the rule of the world ...the rich become richer and the poor maybe more in numbers but we have money which can turn ur own mothers/kids and husbands against you!

Words cannot describe how much relived i am!

Now that i am my own boss(literally)i shall take my time in extracting revenge from all who caused real embarrassment and shame to me just coz i was rich or had a secured future!
It will also be a message to the whole world that if u mess with Vivek Nayak he will destroy your life !
So fear the hatredcopter !!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Teri maa ki teri @#$%!!

Mumbai has it own lingo,we speak hindi but not the types the north speaks...people from dilli especially find it very tough to adapt to the 'Bambaiyya' lingo where A ghoda is a gun,Khoka is a crore rupee,thokna means killing someone and so on ya knw.

But what mumbai is also famous for me is its Notorious mis pronunciation of words,the material i have heard and collected over the years is Legendary to say the least.
here are a few famous ones:

Any station in mumbai: 'Tasion
Kurla station: churla 'Tasion
Spicy: picy
A computer: Kamputer
A laptop: Lyaaptyop
Chewing gum: A chingum or a chigum
if ur refering to a pal: Bantai/banta/bamai/mitra and the ever popular BOSS
BOSS also stands for: Brother of a sexy sister
Any elderly women: Maiidum
Chinese food is spelt as: Chinse/chines food
popular way of abusing some one: Teri maa ki C@*T teri!! bhosdi wale!!
A youngster on a bike: Rider/pilot
to hit someone: meine usse 'Bhar diye'
slapping: Ramtaaya/chaaptaya
Asking someone: AKSing someone
When ur refering to ur neighbour to some one else while gossiping(my mum's fave): pintu/chintu ki mummy

Also i would like some guidance as to where these places are located in mumbai as i wud love to visit them

chivda gulli
khadi machine
islampura
deed(one and a half) gully
mastan cottage
pathanwadi
curry road
Goo galli (yes GOO= shit)
kajuwadi
dagdi chawl
katal khaana(by far the most brutal place i have hrd of!)

Also finally id like to mention the names of the people i have heard these words and of these mystical places:

kusha
hajja
algoo
sagadi
ramya
daggdu
photya
and
Satmeet


hey!mammma wanna ride?

About Me

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recklessness redefined!! yes!im the personification of recklessness! im just a kid whoz trying to live his life the way he wants to . not just another face in the crowd,im more sorta the guy who runs the show than sit on the sidelines and watch it! love me or hate me ! (love me pls, pls!) i just write random exps i go through in my life in a funny,sarcastic way! hope u ppl enjoy my misery! cheers!