A trip to my paradise city

"Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Take me home Oh, won't you please take me home"
most guns and roses fans may have heard this song thousands of time..even i have..and i love this song totally
All their lives people search for their paradise city..they move to pune,lonavala,virar etc etc
but i found mine...and it wasn't a new place,it was a place i had been to many times before but never really took the time out to appreciate the beauty of the city
Bangalore or Benagaluuru as they call it now is just like any other metro in this country..so wat make is any different than the city of Mumbai we all so love?
well for starters its called BANGALORE its not called MUMBAI..we mumbai ppl are so used to pointing fingers at the authorities that we forget that we ourself are the root cause of all problems in the city..let me illustrate
when i landed in Bangalore i was so amazed to see clean streets and by clean i don mean mumbai clean(wer all the dust and garbage is gathered by the civic authorities and pushed on the side of the road or under a tree)it was really really clean all the time i was traveling i din feel like throwing the cigarette butt on the street coz i honestly din feel like littering!
i had gone to Bangalore for a a casual visit to my cousins..i really din know wat to expect from the city ..living all my life in this city(mumbai) i think has me me feel like we wer a lil superior than ppl frm the other city coz we r from the city that never sleeps
It was such a welcome change from my normal boring life..
business had just picked up and boy did it pick up !
the very second i landed i felt right at home something i had not felt all my life!
the weather was so pleasant...even at 12 noon it was so cold that i was feeling chilly even in stood under the sun!can u beat that!
the place is so neat and well organized..for instance one will never find roadside stalls or vendors occupying the side walk as it is meant for the purpose of walking exclusively !
the cops aint fat and disgusting like our trusty mumbai police!

and now my favorite part of the trip ..
people in Mumbai have this general notion that everything down south is two shades darker and unattractive and comes with a "madrasi "accent
well i have nothing to say to em coz..i don blame em..what can u expect frm a guy how takes the virar fast to his crappy job everyday and the furthest he has gone is lonavala to get some chikki's for his mamma..and the closest thing to south Indian he knows is the paan wala frm the dance bar he frequents !
Bangalore was such a welcome change wen it came to girls ..in this city one may find a lot of pretty girls but intelligent grl...well haha dats a urban legend out here!seriously, i met my sister and she had got along with her a colleague with her (pretty as she was ..i have to say she was smart as well)..it was the best cup of coffee i had ever had in my life!..and not to mention every pub/cafe/restaurant i went in..was filled with pretty smart attractive girls!gosh how i wish i wer there now..

and one other thing that makes Bangalore totally rocking...you can buy liquor from a mall and its cheaper than mumbai!!

this mix of pretty girls,clean air,cheap alcohol,clean roads..and the absence of a certain sect of people made me fall in love with the city..while on my way back i almost cried while i landed in this dreadful city!

ur life sucks wen!

Is life really full of choices?

This topic has being lingering in my head for quiet some time now..i always keep wondering that do we in any way have a choice of being who we are,of choosing wer we wanna be,of who we want to be friends with,of making our own destiny?
Some people may say that ''errr..i dunno..i mean who knows wat the future has in store for us?"
yes one may be a wuss and except this fact of life put in our head by the yash raj film co.but who died and elected yash raj and gang the pope?
i mean aren't we in charge of our own future?
hell yeah we are i say!
life is full of choices its just that u have to get off us ass and grab it by the nuts..most successful ppl did that ..its just that we have to be more smart wen it comes to us!
when i say we have the power to give our life a direction i mean it!
i have have not been the most optimistic person in life but i kinda figured this interesting lil tid bid that the only reason why i was such a negative guy was coz i was surrounded by them ..and by 'them' i mean my parents mostly(i don blame them for any thing but they wer after all the 1st ppl i got to know in my life),my friends(once again i don blame any1 in particular but i feel a few of my pals still live in the dil chahata hai scenario)and the biggest guy who gets the blame is me coz i always allowed these ppl to influence e in the way they wanted me to get influenced.
there comes a time i everyones life when he/she has to make tough choices..choices which may seem very unfair and harsh.
its a openly known and discussed fact that how self-centered i am..how i put my own goal above everybody else's..many don't like the way i am ..hell sometimes even i hate myself for the way i am..but everybody great din become great bcoz they waited for others or thot 'shud i do this? shud i trample an innocent person for my happiness?'
every one has desires in life ..one of my friends has a desire to fall in love,another one wants to life a happy life being an normal person in society,one wants to get married,one wants to be with friends all the time yes they all have choices of being the person they want to be but are they really doing anything bout it??
i don't know !and i don't care coz i have stopped caring!everybody has free advice for any1 but smart ppl who are good at it make a living out it!
i have come to terms with who i am now..i have realized that im the type of guy who can achieve anything and everything he wants to by doing it all alone!
i have wasted too much time by calling up friends who never answer the phone..and wen they do i have to take shit from them summin like 'im busy' wen in reality they are playing cricket or wasting their lives drinking i hope of forgetting their sorrows.
i have wasted too much time thinking about what happened to me in the past
now i know i have a choice ..a choice of believing in my self!
and be rest assured till date whatever i have being telling you ppl about how i will achieve everything i ever dreamed of having ..i will and that too pretty soon..coz mind is a terrible thing to waste!&as sum1 rightly wrote in a testimony that i have royal blood pumping in my vein's!
world im putting you on a notice!im here to win and win i shall!

Nightmare at Andheri Station(east-west)

This is exactly why i don't do public transport!
and by public transport i mean all forms of it..B.E.S.T,our trusty rail network and the horrendous monstrosity called AUTO RICKSHAWS!
i honestly pity the people of mumbai who are subject to such torture all-the -time.
for a major part of my life i have used our trusty public network of transport..but back then a minimum ride in a rik was like 7 bucks,the minimum bus fare was like 2 bucks!
wen i turned 18 i kissed all of it goodbye!coz i had my babayyy ..my sweet child my very own bike!
since then i kinda lost touch with wats been happening in the world of public transport.
all these years like the brat I am I have been assigning my bike servicing needs to my dad's faithful staff..but today since i had nothing better to do I decided to go and deliver my baby to the spa myself!
i got up in the morning dressed up and set off to the bike shop and delivered him me precioussss i got the works for my baby and i was told by the grease monkey at the service center that I WOULD GET A CALL FROM THEM AT 7 P.M
AT 7.15 I CALLED UP THE SHOP AND THEY SAID MY BABY WAS READY AND I CUD PICK HER UP ...
now since i had no bike and i hate traveling in a rik i got into a slightly packed BEST bus .i was thinking 'hey this ain dat bad'..but my was i wrong bout it..
the place wer i was gonna go to was on the west of andheri so bus was the cheapest option i cud think of and afford at the time..i rarely ever use to notice the horrible traffic of this city on my bike ..coz im a good rider and can cut thru traffic at various speed like a German cutting knife!
but today i noticed how bad the traffic in this godforsaken town is!40 mins onboard a bus to reach a place which barely takes 15 mins on a normal day.. i was pissed and decided to go on foot! ok 1 more thing i never notice wen on bike is how i so mercilessly honk at pedestrians till the move outta my way..today the hunter became the hunted!dats all i have to say and yeah i was wearing my new shoes today and the shoe bite i got on both of my lil toes din make things happy for me either!
as i was walkin down a road very seldom taken by me(READ :ANDHERI STATION)i noticed the endless sea of people coming from all direction..a sea of sweaty,smelly,dirty people i don know for some reason kept bumping onto me!and ther was this MOFO who aimed for my SWATCH grr i cud have killed him for dat!
sweaty,thirsty,shoe bitten i reached or rather stumbled or dragged myself i hopes of reunion with my baby..to the darn bike shop just TO FIND IT SHUT!(coz sum1 from the grease pit forgot to mention the shops shuts its gates at 8 fickin pm!)
seeing the lock on the gates i started banging and kicking on it and at the same time shouting at the security guard and bitched how these fuktards at the service center wer unqualified to do a job which any guy with an I.Q OF 15 CUD DO!
broken and shattered i started walking back toward home coz i cud not find a empty bus ..at one point i was so desperate to sit dat i actually started to hunt for a rik!(yes i know im a sell out!)
but surprise surprise the rickshaw lobby got to me!they wer not willing to give me a ride ..even to hell wer all of em r gonna end up!as i was dragging myself to god knows wer i relied n the last option..which meant pussying outt and calling my dad's staff and asking em to pick me up from wer i was stranded..and yes i did bitch out and called for help..but apparentlythe new kid who rides my old bike is quiet a evel kanivel and made me beg to sweet lord for mercy!eyes sthu i decided not to speak a work and accept my death today..but sum1 up der really hates me so he decided to keep me here and watch me in full misery and agony!
god bless the public transport system in this city..coz after today only you people are gonna be using it!

tour de hotel

hey check it guys ya playa hatas'
this is some new shit it tried
my very 1st video blog!!!

Have you wondered??

your's truly has been lazy for quiet some time now...and especially after the last blog u can tell how utterly and truly bored i have been!
But i am a fighter i shall entertain all even if it means i have to write this blog with 6 pins stapled to my chin(which btw i busted on Sunday...owww! and no i din get beat up by anyone i fell down a flight of stairs and landed on my chin!)


OK, so i was out of good ideas to write about so i began a nation wide search with MTV and Anu malik for a new idea and and to shockingly both Mr. Malik and MTV had nothing original to give me!
so as usual i was on my own..
so i took a piece rite outta Jerry Seinfeld's book i write about nothing important! or better yet nothing!

so let the wondering begin!

derz a lot of random stuff that goes in my mind and few of the imp 1z which i always ponder about are:
have you ever wondered why do particular sections of our society dress alike or in a particular way?
confused?
lemme illustrate
since im gonna be bashing a lotta races lemme begin with my own first!

south indians: who do my people always wear a shirt(mostly plain white or some ugly color like brown or purple ar pink) with even more disgusting looking trousers of even uglier colors?
and why don't dey ever tuck der shirts in?

maharastrians:wer do i even begin..have you ever wondered y marathis always and i mean ALWAYS wear those T-shits with collars which have horizontal stripes (color combo as follows:orange and white or blue and white or green and orange)(or as we call em the 'birth rite tee'

gujratis: have you you ever wondered y all gujju men wear more jewellery than women?
or why do the dress up like they are pimp's?or y do det wear gay looking body fitting tee's wen they have humongous paunches?

catholics:have u ever wondered who do these people always wer a shirt with pictures of a Hawaiian beach or pictures of goa on it?


most north indians(esp from U.P and Bihar):why do these people always smell like cattle?

have you ever wondered why all women my age are committed wer as guys like me are still single?does that mean the only option my kind has are 18 yr olds or married women?

have you ever wondered why do dogs have sex with so many bitches and never get AIDS?

have you ever wondered y do FUGLY LOOKIN guys are dating pretty women?

have you ever wondered what is SRK doing dancing on TV without his shirt on?

some more points to ponder about...

is GUNS AND ROSES EVER GONNA BE BACK?

will karan johar or KJO as the call him now ..ever admit hez gay?

will Rakhi Sawant ever shut up?

will Paris Hilton ever start wearing under garments?

will you finally admit i am smarter than you!

Get lucky at table number 8

-phew!-
its been a long week!
five long months have elapsed and now im on the home stretch!
the horrible nightmare called industrial training a HM student has to go thru is finally coming to an end!
BUT...
well wen i say this i mean the normal HM students who do choose to work hard coz the want to "make it big"(?)..well any ways smart as i am i choose the small 3 star hotel and decided to go on an all expenses paid holiday !(smart choices to pay well if ur me!)
ALL the trainees fear the in house restaurants coz they flow of guests(or more like satans dinner guests like i call em)is non stop and trainees genrally end up doin all the shitty jobs.
on the 24 th of the past month my term in the restaurant started too...and like the smart guy i am i joined in a week late and will be leaving early frm the rest.
BUT..
the three weeks i am spending here in the rest cannot be escaped,
the restaurant i work in currently is called 'Some thing's fishy'
and as the name suggests most of the guests walking in thru the doors and especially the ones who sit at lucky table no.8 hav a lotta fishy things going in and around em!
for the uninformed let me tell something clear first...

1. wen with a local prostitute or a bar girl u generally dine at a good 3 star rest.
2. wen with a struggling model or a hi class whore u dine at the coffee shop of a 5 star hotel.
3. if ur in a "date"with firang "guest"u dine at a specialty restaurant of a 5 star hotel.

(these are facts people and i have done my survey quiet well on this one)





so as i was saying..
i have been in the restaurant for like roughly 10 days now...
and i have observed that table no.8 is a huge hit with with shady ppl!
lemme give a few examples...
first instance.
i first noticed a man walk in at 11pm with a how shall i put it...(ahem)a working class lady !(ahem)ok i cant out it any better she was a prostitute!
the guy was in his mid 50's and looked like a traffic cop u see everwer!
he like ordered quiet an exp drink and a meal for his "lady fren" and left...
the in the same week i saw him like walk in 3 more times with the same "lady fren"
wonder wads his story?
me too!


second instance.
three society women or MILF'S as most guys call em,walk in with a guy called Sameer by the looks of it all three of em wer really bored in like and in their mid 40's ...hte mode op was the same ordered a really exp meal and left
and on of the old MILF took my pen too...wonder if shez using it for writing or summin else in her free time????
and yea one of the other milf was also eying a studly lookin steward bet the fella must have got a lot more than his normal 20 rs tip that nit if he had gotten lucky!
but thru all this i wonder if sameer had a rough nite at work...?
well all i can do rite now is think about it and wonder the if the impossible has happened with em!
but i dunno...


(i know this blog is shitty but pls let this 1 fly by im kinda hunting for ideas!)

Future... as told by Mr.Reckless!

ok! i have to say this idea was stolen from my friend


Supriya's blog.
(since the idea was not registered by denty .. I am not liable to be sued by her lawyers..hah!)
here i am going to try and tell in my own funny/weird way wad i think the future holds for us in a simple yet not so simple 'most likely to..'format!
so here it goes !
(to make u people people happy first and then angry and eventually bloodthirsty {for my blood}with my comments i shall begin with the nice stuff!)
the nice version of the future:

Me: Most likely to 'own a Honda civic in the next 5 years'
Rohan: Most likely to 'be a rock star in the near future'
Durgesh: Most likely to 'come back to mumbai pretty soon to commit some more "road rage"
Shaggy: Most likely to 'lie to you wen u call him next'
Rohan P: Most likely to 'be my beer buddy for eternity'
Rohan K: Most likely to 'go bald before me'
Tushar: Most likely to 'scam my friends the next time he sees them'
Anmol: Most likely to 'be Tushar's partner in the scam'
Prasad: Most likely to 'most likely to be caught by his parents with a prostitute'
Satmeet : Most likely to 'be my man servant'
Ritu : Most likely to 'to get married pretty soon'
Tina : Most likely to 'be my business partner and and help me be richer'
Shilpa : Most likely to 'be the 1 friend who i care about the most'
Neha: Most likely to 'have a pretty smile which everyone loves'
Kushi : Most likely to ' be someone very popular coz of her talents'
My dear sister: Most likely to 'be my sister dearest forever!'
and last but not the least!....
Supriya : Most likely to 'be the smartest female i have ever known'

now!!!!
the version i have been dying to put on this page!!!!
yes !!!the bad!!!sarcastic and the mean version!!!
(forgive me guys!!!)

Me: Most likely to 'get rich,get married and then my wife takes half of everything i own after the divorce!(yes i also get bald during the journey!)'
Rohan: Most likely to 'be still searching 4 a south Indian girl to get married to or playing his guitar at andheri station!'
Durgesh: Most likely to 'be fatter than his wife during her pregnancy'
Reehan: most likely to be 'Durgesh's sonny boy'
Shaggy: Most likely to 'lie to u wen u call him next'
Rohan P: Most likely to 'to be still writing his engg. A.T.K.T exams wen my kids finish college'
Tushar: Most likely to 'be fat,short,stocky and bald in the next 4 yrs and will be working for the M.T.N.L'
Anmol: Most likely to 'still say 'what she told?' whenever a girl speaks to him in English'
Satmeet: Most likely to 'be a vandal and a Arthur road prison inmate'
Prasad: Most likely to 'be a peeping tom'
Ritu:Most likely to 'still tell me'' walk on earth!!!"(and i wont)
Shagufta:Most likely to 'be still wondering mmm"wad doesn't come with an expiry date????"
Tina:Most likely to 'still wont hear wad i have to say whenever v talk'
Shilpa:Most likely to 'end up with a convict'
Neha:Most likely to 'be still checking strange ppls orkut profile frm a fake id!'
Kushi:Most likely to 'be the chick with a weird finger'
My ex classmates in rizvi:Most likely to 'be working for me for a petty salary'
Supriya:Most likely to ' never watch porn!'
My dear sister:Most likely to 'wear black on her wedding day too!'
My dad:Most likely to 'to still think Shilpa,Tina or Ritu or all 3 are my girlfriends'
My mum:Most likely to 'call and tell me "come home its late"at 7 pm every evening'
My relatives:Most likely to say 'chu***a saala inherited all from his dad!'( haha! in ur face!)

THANK YOU FOR VISITING !
ans remember these immortal words :-)

"Meri chitaah ke saath sara Maharastra jaalega!"
the BEST bus driver from the movie-NAYAK

PORNO STAR

BEFORE I START WRITING THIS PIECE OF BLOG I WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN BY SAYING THAT WOMEN ARE NO LESSER THAN MEN ON THIS ISSUE!DON'T LIE TO ME!!!I KNOW EVEN YOU PEOPLE LIKE A LITTLE HARDCORE ONCE IN A WHILE WEN NO 1 IS WATCHING!!!!
OK!now that i have the truth out in public!
let me begin!
people don't talk about it dat much ....
(well men only do wen they r drunk r watching it!)
its a billion dollar/year industry!,

it employs a lot of talented actors and actress's with some very very well endowed/perky credentials!,

it don't discriminate against race/religion!,

it speaks a universal language,

it may or may not come with a storyline!

but wat the hell!!!!

who gives a dam!!!

ppl just watch this form of entertainment coz the just

love to whack/jerk off!!!...A LOT!!!

yes the enchanting of adult films!





if men ruled the world...all movies would be like it!!(if only!!)
no matter how much we may deny this....but all men !!!yes u read it right !!!ALL MEN...LOVE PORN!!!
STRAIGHT/GAY OR UNDECIDED!!
(WEN I MEAN EVERY1 I DO MEAN ALL!!!UR DAD,MY DAD,BROTHERS,GRANDPAS,HITLER,BUSH,MANMOHAN SINGH OR SONIA GANDHI!)
ITS A JOB EVERY MAN WOULD LOVE TO GO TO EVERYDAY!
work and fun/pleasure at the same time!
i bet Eric ever hard,johnny python,will i.am well-hung will agree with me!!!
besides who wouldn't like to get it on with miss orgasma,Courtney cummz r miss juggs!?
yes its a glorious industry!!!
just think...
if porn wer not there on internet...men wouldn't log on to Google plants,animals etc....
and if it weren't der men wud only log on to bringpornback.com!
the CD/DVD industry would be wiped out!
Paris Hilton,Pam Anderson and Britney spears would be out of jobs!!!!!
ok since we men have so much knowledge about tis form of art ...on their behalf now i shall share a few porn secrets!well its not as much of a secret but more ...like..the disgusting yet funny side of porn!

1. In the porn movie the boss,patient,brother,dad,stable boy,the pilot,barman,firefighter..and every1z fave the pizza deliver boy! don't wer no UNDIES!
2. APPARENTLY THE BRA AIN'T HIT WITH THESE FEMALES STARS EITHER!
3. A bed/sofa is always available
4. forget a condom?????Forget to pick up some rubbers for the date? Chill out, bro; the editor's got your back. Just keep prodding her upturned bottom with your man-stick, eventually the condom will appear. If not, take it as a good sign that she's either barren or you've had a vasectomy during one of the numerous star wipes.
5. no matter what kind of weird shit ur into don't worry chances are she will do u any ways!!!
6. the cheer leader,secretary,nurse,the hot teacher will always pass u, treat u for free provided u fuck them real ice and hard!!!(which school is this???is the admission still open???)
7. your cock will be huge!!!and erect even if ur in a swimming pool,fire,jungle and ready to go!!!!
8. and did i mention ur cock will be huge!!!!
9. also the star will have rally really huge bozookas!!!
10. she will have really cheap,tacky makeup even if she is a prison inmate for chopping her husbands penis !!!
11. the shoe never comes off no matter what!
12. yes!!!everyone loves a three some even ur mom,ur wife with an absolute stranger!!!
13. the camera man guy can shoot and fuck at the same time!!!!tak about multi tasking!and also has the duty of passing comments like" ..oooooo look at those puppies!!!""yeah babby u like dat????""comon take ur top off!!!"
14. if ur Paris Hilton always and i mean always shoot in night mode only!
15. it is necessary to call them skanks, bitches, sluts, whore holes, or any variation of the aforementioned. You also have to slap them in the face, especially if it is done so with your weird looking penis
16. ahhh my request to mr camera guy!!!!! i ask that you stop zooming in on the male genitalia. This, again, is another erection killer.The shot of the man's testicles slapping against his grundle makes us kind of nauseous. Please keep the camera on the woman. To reiterate, no ball shots.
17. pls stop using dildo's,zucchini's,carrots,bananas and any thing except a real penis coz its really insulting to us men!!!
18. and for Christ's sake get a music director!!!!!the paakkang waaaao pakkang waaao base guitaring is a real mood killer!!!
19. also if possible get some convincing storyline!! the mad killer,r the janitor tapping a hot chick i really hard to believe!!!
20. yes finally did i mention he will have a huge cock??
21. and u must fake a orgasm!!!!!

ahhhh!!!
the sweet world of porn!!!while we men watch some really hi-DVD quality movies..women prefer to read erotic novels.
but the fact is plain and simple we all love porn!
so go and grab a copy of shaving Ryan's privates,one night at Paris,my hot teacher,or if u fancy local stuff there's always Indian porno with the horny truck driver tapping a fat mammas ass with the dil to paagal hai! soundtrack playing in the background!!!

also der is a porn dat siuts ur needs !!!
for ex:

1. S&M
2. blow jobs
3. threesomes
4. ball torture
5. porn of every race!
6. EVERY MAN/S FAVE LESBIAN PORN
7. gay porn for the girls
8. bizzare for the weirdos!
9. etc etc....

so u still feel ur alone ????






HAPPY WACKINGS!!!

Good times,Bad times

YEAR:2002
Riding a red color CBZ was a guy who was slightly drunk on whiskey doing around 90 k/hr on the road which led to the airport,he was a emotional wreck..he had lost touch with reality..he was so pissed at life..he wanted to blame someone ..but he had no one to blame but he himself and he knew it!

Just then a white Opel Astra whizzed past him and overtook him...the guy on the bike was following a straight path..at least dat wad he thot! the guy on the bike was carefully riding it coz he had just repaired his beloved bike.he saw the speed breaker at a distance wer a new Hotel called Intercontinental-The Grand was coming up,he was just gonna jump the speed breaker like always ..but wait !
the Opel Astra driver who by the way was driving very fast dint sse it coming!so to avoid the bumpy feeling the dude breaks hard and cut lane and comes in the lane wer the guy was coming in and SREEEECCH!!!! BREAK!!!!!SMASH!!!!THUD!!!!
THE GUY ON THE BIKE HIT THE CAR!!!!

He gets up ..picks up his bike and just rides away!!!coz he wasn't in the mood to argue!he was a guy who was full of acne,full of despair...a guy who had lost in love!

AND IF YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHO THE GUY WAS.....

ur just stupid then!

yes! its one of the rides i took that made me realize who i truly am..
i was a much calmer person then...i had just passed my S.S.C exams with a good %,had gotten into a good commerce college,fell in love..but nothing in my life lasted for long!!!and like all good times this too came to an end...
when i got back home dat night ..i was so angry at every1 ,i din know wad to do,i was confused,i hated life then!i hated everything that happened to me...but din know wad to do!

but boy!i din know wat life had in stored for me after that night was gonna be much worse than wad i could have ever imagined!!!!

after that night ...
i lost everything!
i was forcibly put in a engg. college,
i had lost hope of finding love,
i had become a bitter person,
i had no friends,
i had a family dat was falling apart,
i had no self-respect.
i felt like running away from it all!
i was the guy that who could have it all ..but was a guy who had lost it all!..

but i wasn't about to give up!

Year:2007,Time:Now

riding down the same road....riding a Blue-Pulsar-180(FEAR THE BLACK EDITION)not high on anything..but hope,cruising down the road at a speed of 60 k/hr waiting for my dear friend Tina to call me,listening to some MOTLEY CRUE was me once again!
passing the same Intercontinental-The Grand wer worked a girl who i had just dumped!was a road with no speed breakers or a Opel Astra to take my life!i was a man who was in love a after a really really long time!i wont just tell who this girl is ..u ppl will have to wait and watch like me too!to say a few things about her ..all i can say is that she is the sweetest,most wonderful girl i have ever known in my life!and i totally love her!

as i was cruising down the road i couldn't help but feel happy for a change!as i was listening to poison and my fave song by them called, Life Loves a Tragedy
singing to the chorus

Good times, bad times

How life loves a tragedy
Heartbreaks, heartaches
How life loves a tragedy

I couldn't agree with Brett micheals more on this 1....
i have agreed that my life does love a tragedy!
and i have learnt to live with it!
now after 6 years
i have true friends(Shilpa,Tina,Ritu,Roan,Durga)

a wonderful new pal(this 1z for ya supzie..A.K.A denty!)

look better!

feel good!

more confident!

more stable,

more sensible,

more responsible,

full of energy,

doing what i love doing the most,

and yes!

i am in love!
saying that:

"Forgive me for what I've done there
Cause I never meant the things I did"

now i have something to believe in!!!!
me!!!!!

and just wen my cell rang...it was my lovely friend Tina!
god i thought she'd never call!
we met,Shilpa bailed out on us !we chatted and i went home with a feeling of happiness that i rarely feel!

(and yes i haven't touched whiskey after that night till date!)

FRINGE BENIFITS?

Everyone has to go there u ..me..ur uncle..ur grandma..ur maid..everyone(except rock stars of course!!!)

some1 made a movie about it..(remember Everybody says i'm fine...??)crappy movie but a movie nonetheless about it!

dil chahata hai made it popular!

and now Hritik,SRK and the bollyweird gang r bringing sexy back!

Ladies salons r fine i suppose..i suppose for a guy like me a ladies salon must be full of bitching,trash talk,manicure,pedicure blah blah blah...and the occasional girl on girl action!(i hope!)
but wait!

hold ur thoughts ..men's salons r nothing like a female "beauty parlor"
though the men's salon has evolved over the years..i keep my distance from it !! 250+ bucks for a haircut !r u shitting me!
I'm a lazy guy!i admit it openly!in fact.. i only go for a haircut coz the line of work in which I'm involved needs a strict grooming standards when it comes to facial and head hair.(i will out the not so pretty areas in which hair grows on a man's body out of this coz of reasons i cannot tell.)

Ok so lets begin!

As i mentioned earlier that i am a lazy,cheap guy wen it comes to haircut's i go to the neighbourhood salon for the alpha-males.

For the female readers of this blog i shall now reveal wat goes on in the He-mans salon r the silver scissors r the raju hair parlor..i hope the salon mafia don't read this r else next time they won't be cutting my hair ...they will definately drug me and give me a vasectomy..for sure!

But since i have decided to bear all here i shall not stop!

An avg men's salon consists of 4-5 not so comfy chairs..
a air conditioner that barely works..and if in any case it does decide to work it will definitely freeze a man's balls off!

The smell....
how do i describe it....
its a mix of cheap aftershave,even cheaper talcum powder,hair,sweat and sometimes of that ac smell u get!

The haircut man/guy..
he is a creature straight outta hells salon !
he is this guy who will always have a mouth full of ghutka a even worse haircut than wad the give me!
usually a guy from U.P OR BIHAR with always a interesting story to tell abiut yesterdays cricket match,r y sanju baba should not have gone to jail r how bush is a terrorist!

wen ever u go fr a cut he will always make it a point to tie the sheet thingy around ur neck as tight as possible..r till ur face turns blue due to lack of air intake in ur lungs and brain!

..and no matter how much u tell them that u want ur hair short and simple the will...and i mean they will not listen to ya and make u look like a extra in some mithun movie!

I as the shaky,impatient person i am always try to shake and move to that i can get over the ordeal ASAP!but they always wrestle ya back to the chair !
i always am scared that one day one of these guys will gut off my ear r summin!

..and some how to my displeasure i ALWAYS GET STUCK WITH THE NEW SHAKY,TRAINEE KID IN THE SALON!SHEESH!
In the salon while the guy is happily chopping ur hair which as it is ..is leaving its nest rapidly..i have to bear with the latest mujick in the dance bar circuit!
i mean i was ok with Altaf raja's ear jarring vocals earlier ,but with these nexgen guys it himesh dat calls the shots!

now i wish the guy almost cut my ear's off!

..and one thing that always bothers me is ..is the hair that falls on ur face...to clean ur face the man uses a highly unhygienic germ infested soft brush which i don't know has brushed the faces of god knows only..how many acne ridden teenagers,guthka chewing men,r sweaty bhaaiyas..
but i choose to ignore it thinking ..hell! i don't think during the ordeal at all!

..and finally when the cut is over the thing i still never put my finger on is...y does he have to take a mirror and show u the back of ur head???its not as if u can see it anyways! and even if he does cut it badly there's not much u or he can do about it!!!

..and these days to ensure custommber satisphaction the guy also throws a mini head massage in for free!
as if the hair on my head wer not weak ennuf he has to yank it out now!

i wish how there wer a easir way to do this but unfortunately Thar's not!

but from wad i hear the pricey salons r no good either!so the service it get for 40 bucks will have to do for the moment..r till i go bald!

and one more thing i still cant wrap my head around is y do grown men need fruit facial in a cheap ass salon???they still look like pigs ....

and last but not the least is why do daddy's have to take their young daughters to the guys salons of a hair cut????

The most beautiful feeling!

No matter how hard i try to deny this !

no matter how much i say to each and everyone of you people!

no matter how much shots i take at others for going through this!

i just cannot deny the fact that even super -humans like me fall in...errrr... love!!!

i always keep on saying to myself that .."man love ain't for you man!"

after a really horrid experience with love a long time back ..i thought i wud never walk down this road again!!

BUT HERE I AM !!!...BITTEN BY THE BUG AGAIN(FUKKK!!!!)

don gemme wrong i really loved the feeling the first time..everything used to look and feel so good !....but eventually all goods things come to an end..so did the so called "love" that i had in my heart for that particular girl!!

but why am i talkin about the past?

i always was the types who wud sit on the sidelines and watch others go through the misery!!!(evil?yes !)

but in the past few days my like had done a 180 in more than one way!

i have changed !

I'm a new man!

the world is a better place after all!

I'm in love!!!!!

yes !

yes !

yes!!!

yay!

whooo!!!

I'm totally in love!

i never thot i wud be here ever again in this lifetime!

life is sweet!!!

O.K now that i have it out of my system...

all i want to say is that..love is such a weird feeling!

it can even turn weirdos like me into humans

but y do we fall in love?

coz we have to?

coz ppl have written books r

made movies about it?

r due to hormonal imbalance within r body??

r just coz we are attracted to a person in ways which we cant explain!

even i cant answer this question coz im lovestruck myself!

trust me !

i am a real romantic guy!

(CMON MAN LEMME BRAG A LIL BIT..I'M IN love)

making dinner for that some1 special..

picking out the most lovely bunch of roses..

buying candies..

splurging on the 1 u love..

gazing into her eyes aimlessly..

yes i can do that coz.. dam it I'm in LOVE!!!!!!!

IS THIS "FAIR" ENUF FOR YA???

The Brits RULED US FOR ALMOST 400 LOOOONG YEARS...we din like it a bit ..we hated those 'whiteys' for all the hell they put us through.we fought like wimps and won our independence from those ppl!
(not many ppl know of this interesting fact that Britan only let go of us in 1947 coz after the 2nd world war they wer completely depleted of all their powers and wer in no condition to fend off the non-violent struggle led by Gandhi..so they took the easy way out by givin us wad we wanted!)
...and 60 years later we are celebrating our freedom thanks to free patriotic ad's by airtel and other money grabbing corporates! fair enough..
we are shallow,hypocritical ppl!we are Indian and we jus need any reason to get a day off from our work so we can watch the I-day parade and pretend to hold our heads high...wen we don even know y we'r doing it!! JAI HIND!

now!!!... here is wer the point i wanna make to u ppl begins...
we fought white folks endlessly for a long long time ...we shed a lotta blood ...lotta tears...to achieve our freedom from the so called white boys of britian!

we are proud to be Indians yes i know that...but wad makes me wanna jump off of a ledge is that we are so narrow minded and shallow that inspite of all the hate we had for the whiteys,we today love em and forgave them and
wad makes things even worse is is those disgusting ad's that these cosmetic companies run on the tube which tells us to believe blindly that 'if u ain fair u ain there'

wad i still don get is... we fight white ppl for a long time and we today ourselves discriminate between fair and dark skinned people in our very own country!!

i kept quiet so far coz these ad's only targeted women(sorry!!!)...but now with the introduction of FAIR AND HANDSOME ...they made it personal!!!!!

who the fuck gave these people the right to make us dark skinned people feel like we don't deserve to live????

I as a kid have been called a lotta names including KAALIYA,BLACKIE etc,etc i din like it a bit and don like it even now!
hell !fuck these people ...these fair boys thought or rather still think that dark ppl have summin wrong in their blood ...that made us inferior to them!!!

fukking assholes!

and to add insult to injury these fairness cream ppl are only making the fukkers feel good about the hurtful things they say!!!
Vivek nayak never takes crap from anyone! no1 can tell me dat i don look good coz im dark!!!screw u !if u have a different opinion than mine!!!
i know i cant change the world...but if any of u ppl enjoyed teasin a dark skinned person..u better thin twice!

i have beat all the pretty boys at their own game!!!while they roam with not so good lookin fair grls ..i have rubbed it on their faces wen i went 1up on em'!!!!and boy!lemme tell u i loved to see the expression n those ppl's faces !!!!

and if u still think u are superior to me...good luck working in that call center!!!(newsflash:it ain even a real job!!!dude!)
i admit ..that one point in time the cream ppl had gotten to me!!!they had managed to change me...but i realized im better off by the way i look ...i realized dat i am better off by being myself!!!

don hate the PLAYA hate the
GAME!

u still think u are better than me?????

DATE WITH A FRIEND.....

I'll be honest here ...yours truly has not been on a date in a really ..really long time...since joining hotel management i have not got much chance to go out with a female !(yes its true!..sad ..but true!)i always like the feeling of meeting someone new!but as all u people know only females i get to meet are....errrr...wait a min..i don meet many females these days!
i really miss the game of dating....i really do!
i generally go all out on dates..flowers,Candy's,nice place to go...i generally have everything chalked out!..Boy! i miss the good ol' days!
I'm not being a pompous ass wen i say that i know how to make a grl feel good on a date!...but hey some ppl are born talented!!!!he he~!
but i have become lazy these day's...i have almost forgotten all the good places in mumbai!
this Sunday ...i was bored and desperately wanted to get outta my house!!and so did my friend(a girl who i wont name!)so we decided to go on was i call a friendly date...which involves everything i wud do normally on a date minus the flattery!and oh ya also the physical part!(like i get any normally!)the girl i went out with ..is a really close fren of mine!i mean she knows me in and out!we never get to meet each other coz of r hectic schedules but we had free time this Sunday and decided to meet up!
lemme get things straight first by sayin that even though my fren is a real pretty,sweet girl ther was,there is not and there will be nothing between us except our beautiful relation we share called friendship!
its generally she who takes me out but this time i decided i can't be a free loader forever!(yes even i have got dignity and self respect left in me!)
ok so we meet up!and it was really nice to see her after a long long time!she was looking good as usual and i din look bad either !(for a change!!!)see the problem of taking a old fren out anywer is that she knows how i can spend a lot on a date and become a real kanjoos guy wen it comes to frenz!so she will obviously be more demanding!
so after a Lotta of disagreement on places to goto we decided to go to a mocha!(of all places)so as usual i went all out for her and ordered the best things on the menu!(yes i know its cheap!)but spending time with my lovely fren was more important than the food!(yes i know cheap again!)
we had a Lotta things to discuss...like me!... and how good i was looking these days!(hehe!)and ya i also let her cut in and say a few good things about me!!!
but all in all i was really happy to see her coz we know each other so well it was like we wer a married couple(lame joke ..i knw!) but WTF! we did care about any1 ..i mean y shud we?it soo much fun wen ur with a grl and actually oogle at a grl with a nerdy boy..who was wearing a nice short short skirt!!(the grl was wearing the skirt..jus to be precise)or or flirt with the grl sitting on the nex table via eye contact...!man i was loving it!it felt soo good!
at the end of the day i come back with a sense of pride in me and the satisfaction of meeting my lovely friend...and thinking ...why can't all dates be like the one i had today........

THE BREAKUP

men go out with thier frenz for a wild night out drink their asses off and forget about it....

while women all go to thrir frenz place eat a lotta chocolate ice cream and burn the gifts the guy gifted and try a come up with a plot for revenge!

Me and u can rant all about it,
bitch about him/her,
tell frenz that he/she was a asshole/bitch.

or for a change y not shut up?yes!shut up!i really mean it!
i am not intrested in hearing wad u have to say about ur sad love lives!i'm sick of it!honest!

i know im being Hippocratic here..but hey its me we'r talking about!im a slut for attention and limelight!i jus love it wen ppl tak about me(he he!)

on the other hand have we ever sat down and thought about wad went wrong or why me?
of course yes!we all have !

but for a change i request all people that instead of blaming the other person or pointing fingers at others ....jus look at your self in the mirror and ask the same question or try blaming urself r simply just stare at ur self not saying a word!
difficult isn't it? i knew it !

whenever we fail we naturally as humans blame everyone in the world ..but never our self!that's how selfish and delusional we all are!we always think rather highly of ourselves don we?in our mind we all think we are the most wonderful/sweet/desirable ppl in this world!..but is there any truth to this at all?have u ever thought?

whenever a relation fails we all during the breakup at some point all try to reconcile...then all the reconciliation turns into anger ....and the anger into revenge ...or ultimately a self comsuming obsession.i have been in all of these phases!trust me and the last one is no fun at all!it will if not kill you ...but surely destroy your happiness and everyone Else's around you.

as some of my close Friends know i have been in my share of relations mostly with pretty the pretty one's i have noticed the attraction only lasts till the pretty one has said 'yes' to u...and wen u get to know her u always come out disappointed knowing she is not as pretty as she looks..!

i know a guy who met a grl on orkut(of all places!)pretty gal and a avg. guy with low self-esteem she the confused types and he the aimless types who values love more than money .he sacrificed a whole academic yr for her she doesn't care neither does he..coz they are in "love"..guess opposites do really attract(rich grl falling for a middle class boy...oooow filmy!)but then again who is a person like me who makes it a point to deliberately mess up his relations with a grl coz he has openly confessed that he is a selfish man for whom money/power and all materialistic need hold more importance in life than anything else!(see i made it about my self again!gaarrrr!!!)

"love is a strange poison it won kill u but
will make u feel unimaginable amounts of pain!"

..but we never learn do we? having said all of this i will probably be the one who will be telling you that guys im in a relation again.!..but next time i will try and keep my mouth shut ...so that wen i fail ...again ..i won't have to tell my side of the story ...in which u all will know and feel sorry for me and hate for the grl ...but in reality ..deep down inside i know i am to blame for it!

Look MA a roach on 3 wheels!

i hate them... i really do...words can't describe the hate i have in me for them...gaaaaarhhhh!!!!

NO ! NO ! NO! i'm not talikn about cockroaches ...i love those ugly pests as much as the next person..!they are really tough creatures..

*did u kno? a cockroach can survive a nuclear fall out or that it can survive for 3 days even if u chop its head off?

but all the lovely talk about these insects aside ..i am here to talk about something i truly and deeply hate...the mumbai rikshawala's!!!

i rather take my chances by travelling in a train or the overcrowded BEST buses of mumbai!

but i shall never travel in one of them creations of the devil (bajaj group) even if my like depended on it!

some may argue" WHY VIVEK?WHY DO YOU HATE RIK'S SO MUCH?THEY ARE THE LIFE LINES OF THE SUBURBAN PPL..."

lemme answer you ppl....

i hate them coz....i have to hate them as a biker!i know it stupid but only bikers will know the the pain whenevr a rik wala turns left wen he wants to go rite! or do a 180* spin wen ur doin 60k and there is no time to brake coz ur like a feet away frm it!r simply brake wen u his loyal customer shows him a hand!grrr!i hate u all for that!

some more reasons.....

1) they never stop when u absolutely need em' but they will stop if a chick stops em'!

2) coz the meter's on these thing drops faster then a porn star droppin her clothes!

3) they will always make it a point to take the most weird routes r as they call it "MADAIM SHORT CUT HAI!"even if u tell em not to ..they still do!

4) they make it a point to drop the rear two wheel in a pot hole so that ur back suffers and breaks in two!..and notice how they smartly guide the front wheel away frm the hole...for their own comfort!

5) the rear view mirror is there apparently to look at the pretty passenger in the rear seat!

MUSIC

AHHHH!the language of the soul!sweet melody!

but notice how these wonderful feelings all disapr as soon as u step in a rik!coz even the guys at BOSE OR SONY can replicate the sound tech these rikwala's have access to!top notch!i must say!wonderful music !!!all you can hear is the constant damge to my ears (yes u can see it on my face!)coz of the ear jarring treble on these creatures...and to make matters worse they only play ALTAF RAJA OR RECENTLY THE KING OF RIKWALA'S MR.HIMESH RESSHAMMIYA of if ur really lucky u might even find a murdered version of some classic govinda movies!(rember saarkil lo katiya or aa e oo oo!..classics!)

ARTWORK

DIE MF HUSSAIN AND PICASSO u ppl only cater to the snobs!the best artwork in this city is on the front or back of these roaches...

rembr the stickers of sanju baba frm khalnayak?(a chequered balck -white suit with is stupid hat and the pimp cane) ar a sunny deol sticker?

r summin real heart felt like aaie baba'n cha aashirwaad...or A(in english)and raju/munna/babu/chhava/pappu/item/lala/patel/mamu/rani/dinchack/babblu(in hindi/marathi)

...still feel cheated by the art gallery whu sold an really expensive painting which u still don't get? idiot saala!lossserr!

but this takes the cake.....

but to say summin good about em....errrr....well i have nuttin to say!but it was certainly enough for Brad and Angie to take a ride in it!so who am i to say anything!

but then again by drivin these machines ppl are only trying to make a honest living.....but.....my request to them......STAY OUTTA MY WAY!

(AND FOR THE UN-INFORMED THESE ROACHES ARE ALSO EXPORTED BY THE BAJAJ CORP TO OTHER COUNTRIES LIKE MALASIA,JAKARTA AND WADDYA KNO EVEN PAKISTAN!!!(AND U THOT WE DIN HATE PAKI'S ENUF!) MANY MORE ...BAJAJ ..SCREWIN THE WORLD 1 COUNTRY AT A TIME! IS THEIR MOTTO!)

MUDFEST '07-THE MOST BITCHIN' FOOTBALL MATCH EVER!!!

IT'S BEEN 7 LONG YEARS(ALMOST) SINCE I HAVE INDULGED IN ANY SORT OF GROUP SPORT...EXCLUDING SWIMMING.. I HAVE NOT TAKEN PART IN ANY TYPE OF SPORT!!(I DUNNO IF PARTYING/BINGE DRINKING/WATCHING T.V/SPENDIG TIME WITH MY GIRL IS CONSIDERED AS A SPORT)BUT THEN AGAIN I HAVE NEVER BEEN ATHLETIC ANYWAYS!!!

OK!now i was in a all boys school so i played a Lotta football and cricket in the good ol' days but to be fair 60 ppl -1 hour almost ..in a week-and jus 1 football is way to unfair!!

i think the total times i have played football i managed only errr.. 1 goal i think..ok i din score any goal at all!!i just considered myself lucky if some1 passed me the friggin ball!!and more often then never ...that never happened too!!

so for the past months my school buddies wer after mylife that"man! u have to come ..dude!every ones gonna be there"but due to my busy work schedule(?)i never made it..

so this Sunday i had nuttin much to do so..i decided WTF ! i'll give it a shot!

knowing my past history at the game i wasn't too eager to play..but ppl dragged me into it..and i couldn't resist the temptation of slinging some dirt at others!!

so..i jumped in!!!..also i wanted to take off my shirt(?)(NO APPARENT REASON HERE)

MOST OF THE GUYS WER THERE I MEAN EVERY ONE RICHIE,CHACHI,RALPH MALF,THE FONZ,PINKY TUSCEDERO...OOPPS !!WRONG FLASHBACK!!!

BACK TO THE POINT ...

most of the guys i couldn't recognize..after all i had seen em after such a long time...and its really difficult to recognize ppl wen they have gone bald or hulked up r u simply jus don remember them!!!

but yea ...after a Lotta asking(pssst !!whu is he??)and calling em'dude/boss/bro/man u get their names rite!

although i reached late i did get to play..weather i managed to score a goal or not ..well..that's a different story!but i did manage to touch the ball 4 times!!!!(a personal best)

but then again.. don hate the playa hate the game!!

so next Sunday i will try and score a goal!!!!or cheat to score !!!coz its all we wer thought by our coach!!

(our school the Holy family high school had and still does have a killer football team ..we wer the champs in the inter school U-16 PLAYOFFS IN 2002!!!)

POWDER UP !

things have changed like crazy in the past 5 years...they-really-have.

the dollar has sunk to a new low..

prince Charles got married to a commoner..

a chick who can't speak Hindi is running our country(technically)..

u can walk in a coffee shop wearing polka-dotted Bermudas and be cool..

women like rakhi sawant(god bless her !)have become the new 'IT GIRL"IN BOLLYWOOD!..awwwwhhh!!!drooooooolllll!!!!!!!

a lady is the president of our country!..whoooo!!

men....well...errr........still are surviving coz we still have a penis...!!

but given the rate of scientific development.. we will be ex tint pretty soon!!!

more importantly fags like bobby darling making a name by parading around in a pink dress..!(yuck)

gone are the days when leather, long hair,muscles and a cig in ur mouth guaranteed a chick(according to the latest men's fashion mags)wtf??

but i ain here to talk about that...

today's MAN is a lot different than wad he was 5 years ago...

now we don sport a mullet(look at the pic below) except for a few rikshawalas..

we don carry a all-year-round sweater on our chests and backs..!

we don dress shabbily(here i am speaking for myself)..

and yes ..finally we don't have to steal our mothers moisturizers,cold creams,shampoos,make up materials...etc etc anymore!(thank u clarins!)

yes!finally we men can go out and buy things we really need !!!

like the the new shampoo which don't smell like pot-pourri any more!

we are not scared to wear pink !

we are not scared to suit-up every day before we leave for work,college.. hell anywer!

i know,i know ..most of the females who might read this may disagree saying "are u nuts!!! most of my classmates still dress up like sunil shetty and ajay devgan when they debuted in the 1990's.."

yes,i totally agree to this fact!..but evolution is a mystery..far change that no one See's.!

but wad u see is still better than than the mullet sporting guys of the 90's ..rite?

(also i sincerely request all girls to thank AAMIR KHAN and group frm DIL CHAHATA HAI FOR SPORTING "COOL" HAIRCUTS IN THE MOVIE!)I KNO ITS NOT A LOT .. and i know many of you'll had a feeling of being admist porcupines all of a sudden!but you kno as well as i ..wasn't that bad!i sported that look once !

but..as we all kno evolution is a slow and painful process ...

so bear with us please!

coz...

we still will leave the toilet seat up!

we will still drop food on ur carpet!

we still will burp in public!

we still will fart in public!

we still will have beer bellies!

we still won't stop and ask for directions when we know we are lost!

and...

we still will lie to you even when we don't need to!!!

coz we wer the worst creation that god ever made!!

and yes !..all the men would collectively like to thank the hair gel makers in the world ...cos u ppl make us complete!!!!