It snows in HELL!!

Aureen my girlfriend tells me these days"Baby ur lookin fairer these days" now i don't knw if i should take it as a compliment or as a sick cruel joke by god and as if that's not enough i have a select few females who give me looks of late(i dunno i never noticed but that's wat my pals tell me) as a guy i find it real flattering when girls are checking me out( go planet health!!)but at the same time i find this really weird and unfair too!

As a guy all ur life u wait and wait for girls to notice u and it never happens u always loose out to the punk with the money and a bike...well i had both but i always lost i dunno why!

UNTIL ONE DAY.....

...... I FOUND THIS!

Yes u read correctly ..its called Tibet Snow cream..and yes its made in Pakistan!

It was lyin on my table all this time i thot it was my folks ka backache balm r summin now i assume this was given to my dad by his barber shop buddies..and some how i was destined to land in my hands!

its a guy tendency to try things whic are generally not safe like drugs,drink and drive ,experimental face creams but wat the heck who cares? we are men and men don't think of consequences!

it smells like a salon and feel like snow and it does make ur skin look good!

now im using this sparingly coz i dunno wer i can get more of this my gal even googled it but never found out anything...i think god himself makes this stuff!

so as i enjoy this new found attention which the Tibet snow cream has given me all i can say is ...

in life there are winners and there are losers ....till then BE JEALOUS!

Call 911

My car...my beloved new car...my beloved new spanking new car....h..ha..has been damaged!

Sunday morning some random biker happen to crash on my car which was comfortably resting under a tree fully polished and shiny! the sick biker the onlookers told me crashed his whole bike on my rear left door and was so scared he'd have to sell his house to pay for the damages he did ...ran away like the cock less driver he was!

P.s: for the people who dun knw i happen to own a brand new red colour Honda city

i shall update pics of the carnage later in the day....please mourn with me till then

10 Products Which the world needs

In today's time where recession is the talk of the town,in this troubled times where people have no jobs(including me) people are getting their lab coats outta the closets to make a extra buck.

So children LETS GET INVENTIN' YAW

number 10:The love gun, A Dildo which has a gun bulit in it(come with standard testicle shaped cartridges).

not only will this keep u warm at night this will even keep u safe wen ur husband or watchman*wink*wink* is outta town!

so cock this gun up ladies!

number 9: Ass flavored Gum

just dun be a asshole smell like one too!

number 8: Chilly flavoured condoms

cmon spice up ur sex life bro!

number 7: Soaps which smell like sweat

for lazy people who wanna show their frenz they had a hard day at work!one wash and smell like sweat(comes in gujju,bhaiya and ghaati flavours)

number 6: Tobbaco bread

for people who dun go to loo with out a smoke in the morning...good way to have a meal on the go!

number 5: opposite warewolves

Dun be scared!! they turn into human on a full moon day...rest of the time unleash them on to ur loved ones!

Number 4: The pussy troll

For any other maids who intend to work at Shiney Ahuja's residence!

Number 3: You tube,Twitter and Facebook to join forces!

the result....?

www.youtwitface.com!

number 2: Karela toothpaste

For all BMC employees,cops etc...i guess ud rather smell that than guthka huh?

number 1: AXE urinal tryst deo

dun just look like a Latrine smell like one too!

BA.. BA.. BA....BACK..BACK TO THE ROCKING HORSE!!

Guess who's back!

the congress(god save us)?

the crooked cop?

the curry bashing Aussie?

Rescission?

nope!

your very own highly opinionated,loud mouth,racially biased,aristocratic yet lovable blogger is back in business !

Since i love picking on all people (Except maself) i shall continue this tradition!

after all it just wont be me if i din do it!

coz...

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings!

so on with bizness!
i came up with this idea (well i'd like to call it an original but it aint)

to describe in one word/sentence wat i think of people i love and the people i hate!(the latter have been granted more words ...coz i make the rules! if u have a problem bite me!)

So let the public bashing begin!

My girlfriend Aureen: Love

My pal shashank: Churan A.K.A CM saahab

Rohan: Bitchy Pal who i love to Bitch with

Durgesh: Dim,some one who thinks he is smart but is full of fart(literally)

Supriya: Sweet

Ritu: Married

Tina: Whiny

Shilpa: Bittersweet

Satmeet: Laandya

Shuba: cud fly if she cud flap her ears/ nice person

Neha: loudmouth,gossipy maharastrian Aunty(in the future)

Kush: plays dumb but is smart

Manoj: gay for me( i aint kiddin)

Rahul: Axl rose cus he is weird like him! crazy talented but weird!

DAD: BJP President Rajnath Singh(wiki him and then tell me if they r alike!)

Mum: need friends!

Sister: needs rich friends!

Meghna: wish she get petro bombed by an aussie touring England and lives to tell the tale !

Her boyfriend: a dog with no legs Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Stop looking,Start seeing,Do something India

Just over a week ago our country experienced its worst ever terror attack.We all saw and know what happened,most mourned,lit candles,took a protest march out like i did ..but for what?

Do we really think we all are making a difference by doing this?wats so different this time?why din we do it the last time wen bombs went off on trains? the only thing that comes to my mind is that we all lost hope and are genuinely scared coz b4 ppl used to plant bombs and run,but this time we wer being hunted down by only 10 guys who came in a dingy? and  held all of u ransom?

i dont blame the terrorists or the paki's for what they did..surprised ? pls dont be coz we let em do it us!

each and ever one of us is corrupt and careless!

yes coz we all started it by fighting for our religion,cast, our so called dick less leaders!

For what i ask?

did any one frm the thakery clan or the gandhi clan come to save us?

no coz they don care for us..coz they have bullet proof cars and Z grade security sponsored by us!

I know there is no point in talking about anything coz very few care and like for those like me who Love this country..all i ask is that Mr. politician allow me to buy a gun ..not to kill myself...but to kill those who don't do their job like you..or at lest to kill the motherfucker who came in a boot to kill my people ..coz i dun wanna die a nameless death or be called a martyr ..bcoz if i choose  to die i shall die fighting and take the bastard to the hell he deserves for making my people's one!

VIGILANTLY JUSTICE FOR ALL GUILTY!

Try polisihng these "KOHINOOR DIAMONDS"

Finally in the final year,the big dawgs! reaching to a end of a three yr degree course!YES PEOPLE! in a few shorts months nearly 200 students are gonaa graduate and be called (proudly) Bachelor of hospitality mgmt!i have personally gone a lot to be here..changed colleges,had my family name almost defamed,hopes and dreams crushed even before realizing them!

Now I have been a student of Kohinoor college of hotel mgmt for almost a year and a half now!
A college which i once discarded sayin it a shitty college..turned out to be the only college which accepted me when i was asked to leave from rizvi college of hotel mgmt!

So today i decided to thank all the wonderfully gifted students of KOKO by interviewing them!

NOTE: people have been picked at random and have been interviewd.

excerpts from the interview..

ME: so tell me what made you pick KOKO?
STUDent: To be phrank thees waas thee only kollege that akccepted me after I flunked the engg CET exams..hehe! alos my waadil(read:dad) has peechan with the locval shiv sena leader who is the union leader at ITC grand maarath who told my dad i can work as a steward after i pass!kool na?

M: thats all ok but don u think investing almost 2,50 laks for the three years only to do a job which pays only pays 6 grands a month dozt make any sense?
S: arre baba my aiee wadil took a loan..they have to pay the bank back not me!hehe!!!

M:so how did u find the college in the beginning ?
S:In thee begining i found it very diffculltty to undeshtand the lectured becoz all of them were in EEnglieehs but the i beacmed phrends with a few marathi maadhyam students and cot the professors and forcibly told tham to make undershtand us all in marathi!kool na?jai marashtra!hehe!

M:so hows the crowd out here?
S: arre baba it ieej too rokking!every one here speaks marathi!the guyjs are too cool they all listen to Laavani(marathi songs)and wen we party we all BREAk dance to Sawn paal(sean paul)i love his song tamptrature(temperature)also on our freshers paaarty we all did the ganpati dance to all the songs..it was the only party i had ever gone to!hehe!!

M:wat about the female crowd?
S:arre bahau the cheeks are too hot out here!i swear!aaie chi gaand laadki look are too kool all are babes!they all love the same things like we do and they love it especially if we fight and beat a guy up in a group to prove our manness!then they come and propose us!hehe!!

M:wow! really?!so how many grls came and proposed to u?
S:sadly no 1 bcoz i was the one who was bashed up in the group!hehe!!

M:sad! so wat do u do for fun out here?
S:aktaully (spitting on the floor of the classroom) we all love to drink!its the fave tymepass of our group!we buy a khaamba(bottle)of Imperial blue or bagpiper wen we have no moneys and drink it with the watercooler water !hehe!!

M: so are there any cool places out here?
S:arrre there are so many! there is shivaji maidaan wer we all go and play cricket during lectures,then there is dadar choowpatty wer we all go drink in public!,the der is are kackteen whic is for the kool DUDes!i totally love this place!me toh even comes here on sundays!hehe!!

M:wats a average college day for you like?
S:i love the kollege uniphorm and my kollege sports shoejs,then i ctach the 7.55 local to dadar and meet my pals and missed call them wen i reach the kolege!hehe!the if mood hua toh we sit phor lektures and harass the professors and the nerdy students!chutiya saale!hehe!!!
we never miss the lunch in college!fees waasul karna hai na?thats y i mqake it a point to eat every day even if i dun come for lektyures!hehe!!

M:so is there anyone you people hate?
S:yes!of cousre! der is this rich kid who comes in a bike !saala dosent drink cheap liquor like us!even patoed the Dubai gurl in our klass!he things just becoz hes rich has a pretty gurl and has a sekure fhututer he iej better than us!(spits again)

M:so wats ur ultimate goal in life?
S:I am toh going to the USA afteer the degree to work as a steward!hehe!!i'll go der and try to phasao a Ameerikan grl and bkome a shittyzen over there!!hehe!!!

M:so who do you idolize?
S: there is one maan who you are suppose to idolize! RAJ SAAHEB!bhaaiya bhaagoa maharastra bachao,riksha chaaloa!hehe!!

M:good!im so proud of you !im really gald to be your classmate!hope u do a really mediocre job for the rest of your life!

The people who run our lives

People living in this city have become so lazy man! me included,
slowly but steadily we are turning into Americans (except,we will take a piss on the street corner rite next to the sulabh sauchalya to save a buck or throw the garbage out of our windows.)
even Indians living in the US of A complaints all the time how they miss the comfort money could buy in India,comfort we all take for granted(for confirmation call up a relative of urs int the states and see her go on and on till ur bank balance runs dry!).
people who talk about as the low category people who do what they do becoz they wer meant to do that..treat them like dirt,abuse them and even harass them coz they dun know the pain of being them coz they never bothered to ask how they are feelin or hows things at home!

Each and everyone of us think of all these people who run our lives as the insignificant people ..don't deny the fact think long and hard ..really really hard ..cmon u must have mis-treated someone ?and if u still cant think of sum1 well..ur jus perfect aren't ya?..congrats!..or ur memory just sucks ass!
I admit the fact that i am filled with hatred for all humans barring my frens and family and i have been a jerk ..A LOT!
i can give u a million instances wer i have abused a rikshawala or my restaurant staff or m maid ..and i regret it a lot.
Only wen u speak to these people u come to know how difficult lives they live..people like our maids,car cleaner,the milk man,the paper guy.. how we always expect them to do a perfect work and if the fail to do it we never run shy of giving them a peice of our minds coz we all are self centered people
I am telling all of this coz i have been at the receiving end of these nasty comments myself and i know how it feels to be blasted by an asshole like you or me at work or anywer else.

so next time you decide to give maa-bheen gaalis to anyone who works for you jus think for a second how hard ur parcel wala who braved the rain pedaling his bike to deliver ur food coz u wer too lazy to cook to send money back to his/her old parents or to provide a good education to their children so they dun have to take crap form ppl like u and me or drive a riksha coz his daddy weren't as rich as urs or he has to work coz he is the only able pair oh hands to provide for his home..and jus imagine how difficult ur life becomes if dun come to work for even 1 single day!!
so the next time be kind..remember it could be u taking a yelling from ur boss for coming late coz he also owns u in a way like the way u feel u own these people ..and thank god ur not him/her coz im pretty sure u and me would suck at doin their jobs big time!