tour de hotel

hey check it guys ya playa hatas'
this is some new shit it tried
my very 1st video blog!!!

Have you wondered??

your's truly has been lazy for quiet some time now...and especially after the last blog u can tell how utterly and truly bored i have been!
But i am a fighter i shall entertain all even if it means i have to write this blog with 6 pins stapled to my chin(which btw i busted on Sunday...owww! and no i din get beat up by anyone i fell down a flight of stairs and landed on my chin!)


OK, so i was out of good ideas to write about so i began a nation wide search with MTV and Anu malik for a new idea and and to shockingly both Mr. Malik and MTV had nothing original to give me!
so as usual i was on my own..
so i took a piece rite outta Jerry Seinfeld's book i write about nothing important! or better yet nothing!

so let the wondering begin!

derz a lot of random stuff that goes in my mind and few of the imp 1z which i always ponder about are:
have you ever wondered why do particular sections of our society dress alike or in a particular way?
confused?
lemme illustrate
since im gonna be bashing a lotta races lemme begin with my own first!

south indians: who do my people always wear a shirt(mostly plain white or some ugly color like brown or purple ar pink) with even more disgusting looking trousers of even uglier colors?
and why don't dey ever tuck der shirts in?

maharastrians:wer do i even begin..have you ever wondered y marathis always and i mean ALWAYS wear those T-shits with collars which have horizontal stripes (color combo as follows:orange and white or blue and white or green and orange)(or as we call em the 'birth rite tee'

gujratis: have you you ever wondered y all gujju men wear more jewellery than women?
or why do the dress up like they are pimp's?or y do det wear gay looking body fitting tee's wen they have humongous paunches?

catholics:have u ever wondered who do these people always wer a shirt with pictures of a Hawaiian beach or pictures of goa on it?


most north indians(esp from U.P and Bihar):why do these people always smell like cattle?

have you ever wondered why all women my age are committed wer as guys like me are still single?does that mean the only option my kind has are 18 yr olds or married women?

have you ever wondered why do dogs have sex with so many bitches and never get AIDS?

have you ever wondered y do FUGLY LOOKIN guys are dating pretty women?

have you ever wondered what is SRK doing dancing on TV without his shirt on?

some more points to ponder about...

is GUNS AND ROSES EVER GONNA BE BACK?

will karan johar or KJO as the call him now ..ever admit hez gay?

will Rakhi Sawant ever shut up?

will Paris Hilton ever start wearing under garments?

will you finally admit i am smarter than you!

Get lucky at table number 8

-phew!-
its been a long week!
five long months have elapsed and now im on the home stretch!
the horrible nightmare called industrial training a HM student has to go thru is finally coming to an end!
BUT...
well wen i say this i mean the normal HM students who do choose to work hard coz the want to "make it big"(?)..well any ways smart as i am i choose the small 3 star hotel and decided to go on an all expenses paid holiday !(smart choices to pay well if ur me!)
ALL the trainees fear the in house restaurants coz they flow of guests(or more like satans dinner guests like i call em)is non stop and trainees genrally end up doin all the shitty jobs.
on the 24 th of the past month my term in the restaurant started too...and like the smart guy i am i joined in a week late and will be leaving early frm the rest.
BUT..
the three weeks i am spending here in the rest cannot be escaped,
the restaurant i work in currently is called 'Some thing's fishy'
and as the name suggests most of the guests walking in thru the doors and especially the ones who sit at lucky table no.8 hav a lotta fishy things going in and around em!
for the uninformed let me tell something clear first...

1. wen with a local prostitute or a bar girl u generally dine at a good 3 star rest.
2. wen with a struggling model or a hi class whore u dine at the coffee shop of a 5 star hotel.
3. if ur in a "date"with firang "guest"u dine at a specialty restaurant of a 5 star hotel.

(these are facts people and i have done my survey quiet well on this one)





so as i was saying..
i have been in the restaurant for like roughly 10 days now...
and i have observed that table no.8 is a huge hit with with shady ppl!
lemme give a few examples...
first instance.
i first noticed a man walk in at 11pm with a how shall i put it...(ahem)a working class lady !(ahem)ok i cant out it any better she was a prostitute!
the guy was in his mid 50's and looked like a traffic cop u see everwer!
he like ordered quiet an exp drink and a meal for his "lady fren" and left...
the in the same week i saw him like walk in 3 more times with the same "lady fren"
wonder wads his story?
me too!


second instance.
three society women or MILF'S as most guys call em,walk in with a guy called Sameer by the looks of it all three of em wer really bored in like and in their mid 40's ...hte mode op was the same ordered a really exp meal and left
and on of the old MILF took my pen too...wonder if shez using it for writing or summin else in her free time????
and yea one of the other milf was also eying a studly lookin steward bet the fella must have got a lot more than his normal 20 rs tip that nit if he had gotten lucky!
but thru all this i wonder if sameer had a rough nite at work...?
well all i can do rite now is think about it and wonder the if the impossible has happened with em!
but i dunno...


(i know this blog is shitty but pls let this 1 fly by im kinda hunting for ideas!)

Future... as told by Mr.Reckless!

ok! i have to say this idea was stolen from my friend


Supriya's blog.
(since the idea was not registered by denty .. I am not liable to be sued by her lawyers..hah!)
here i am going to try and tell in my own funny/weird way wad i think the future holds for us in a simple yet not so simple 'most likely to..'format!
so here it goes !
(to make u people people happy first and then angry and eventually bloodthirsty {for my blood}with my comments i shall begin with the nice stuff!)
the nice version of the future:

Me: Most likely to 'own a Honda civic in the next 5 years'
Rohan: Most likely to 'be a rock star in the near future'
Durgesh: Most likely to 'come back to mumbai pretty soon to commit some more "road rage"
Shaggy: Most likely to 'lie to you wen u call him next'
Rohan P: Most likely to 'be my beer buddy for eternity'
Rohan K: Most likely to 'go bald before me'
Tushar: Most likely to 'scam my friends the next time he sees them'
Anmol: Most likely to 'be Tushar's partner in the scam'
Prasad: Most likely to 'most likely to be caught by his parents with a prostitute'
Satmeet : Most likely to 'be my man servant'
Ritu : Most likely to 'to get married pretty soon'
Tina : Most likely to 'be my business partner and and help me be richer'
Shilpa : Most likely to 'be the 1 friend who i care about the most'
Neha: Most likely to 'have a pretty smile which everyone loves'
Kushi : Most likely to ' be someone very popular coz of her talents'
My dear sister: Most likely to 'be my sister dearest forever!'
and last but not the least!....
Supriya : Most likely to 'be the smartest female i have ever known'

now!!!!
the version i have been dying to put on this page!!!!
yes !!!the bad!!!sarcastic and the mean version!!!
(forgive me guys!!!)

Me: Most likely to 'get rich,get married and then my wife takes half of everything i own after the divorce!(yes i also get bald during the journey!)'
Rohan: Most likely to 'be still searching 4 a south Indian girl to get married to or playing his guitar at andheri station!'
Durgesh: Most likely to 'be fatter than his wife during her pregnancy'
Reehan: most likely to be 'Durgesh's sonny boy'
Shaggy: Most likely to 'lie to u wen u call him next'
Rohan P: Most likely to 'to be still writing his engg. A.T.K.T exams wen my kids finish college'
Tushar: Most likely to 'be fat,short,stocky and bald in the next 4 yrs and will be working for the M.T.N.L'
Anmol: Most likely to 'still say 'what she told?' whenever a girl speaks to him in English'
Satmeet: Most likely to 'be a vandal and a Arthur road prison inmate'
Prasad: Most likely to 'be a peeping tom'
Ritu:Most likely to 'still tell me'' walk on earth!!!"(and i wont)
Shagufta:Most likely to 'be still wondering mmm"wad doesn't come with an expiry date????"
Tina:Most likely to 'still wont hear wad i have to say whenever v talk'
Shilpa:Most likely to 'end up with a convict'
Neha:Most likely to 'be still checking strange ppls orkut profile frm a fake id!'
Kushi:Most likely to 'be the chick with a weird finger'
My ex classmates in rizvi:Most likely to 'be working for me for a petty salary'
Supriya:Most likely to ' never watch porn!'
My dear sister:Most likely to 'wear black on her wedding day too!'
My dad:Most likely to 'to still think Shilpa,Tina or Ritu or all 3 are my girlfriends'
My mum:Most likely to 'call and tell me "come home its late"at 7 pm every evening'
My relatives:Most likely to say 'chu***a saala inherited all from his dad!'( haha! in ur face!)

THANK YOU FOR VISITING !
ans remember these immortal words :-)

"Meri chitaah ke saath sara Maharastra jaalega!"
the BEST bus driver from the movie-NAYAK

PORNO STAR

BEFORE I START WRITING THIS PIECE OF BLOG I WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN BY SAYING THAT WOMEN ARE NO LESSER THAN MEN ON THIS ISSUE!DON'T LIE TO ME!!!I KNOW EVEN YOU PEOPLE LIKE A LITTLE HARDCORE ONCE IN A WHILE WEN NO 1 IS WATCHING!!!!
OK!now that i have the truth out in public!
let me begin!
people don't talk about it dat much ....
(well men only do wen they r drunk r watching it!)
its a billion dollar/year industry!,

it employs a lot of talented actors and actress's with some very very well endowed/perky credentials!,

it don't discriminate against race/religion!,

it speaks a universal language,

it may or may not come with a storyline!

but wat the hell!!!!

who gives a dam!!!

ppl just watch this form of entertainment coz the just

love to whack/jerk off!!!...A LOT!!!

yes the enchanting of adult films!





if men ruled the world...all movies would be like it!!(if only!!)
no matter how much we may deny this....but all men !!!yes u read it right !!!ALL MEN...LOVE PORN!!!
STRAIGHT/GAY OR UNDECIDED!!
(WEN I MEAN EVERY1 I DO MEAN ALL!!!UR DAD,MY DAD,BROTHERS,GRANDPAS,HITLER,BUSH,MANMOHAN SINGH OR SONIA GANDHI!)
ITS A JOB EVERY MAN WOULD LOVE TO GO TO EVERYDAY!
work and fun/pleasure at the same time!
i bet Eric ever hard,johnny python,will i.am well-hung will agree with me!!!
besides who wouldn't like to get it on with miss orgasma,Courtney cummz r miss juggs!?
yes its a glorious industry!!!
just think...
if porn wer not there on internet...men wouldn't log on to Google plants,animals etc....
and if it weren't der men wud only log on to bringpornback.com!
the CD/DVD industry would be wiped out!
Paris Hilton,Pam Anderson and Britney spears would be out of jobs!!!!!
ok since we men have so much knowledge about tis form of art ...on their behalf now i shall share a few porn secrets!well its not as much of a secret but more ...like..the disgusting yet funny side of porn!

1. In the porn movie the boss,patient,brother,dad,stable boy,the pilot,barman,firefighter..and every1z fave the pizza deliver boy! don't wer no UNDIES!
2. APPARENTLY THE BRA AIN'T HIT WITH THESE FEMALES STARS EITHER!
3. A bed/sofa is always available
4. forget a condom?????Forget to pick up some rubbers for the date? Chill out, bro; the editor's got your back. Just keep prodding her upturned bottom with your man-stick, eventually the condom will appear. If not, take it as a good sign that she's either barren or you've had a vasectomy during one of the numerous star wipes.
5. no matter what kind of weird shit ur into don't worry chances are she will do u any ways!!!
6. the cheer leader,secretary,nurse,the hot teacher will always pass u, treat u for free provided u fuck them real ice and hard!!!(which school is this???is the admission still open???)
7. your cock will be huge!!!and erect even if ur in a swimming pool,fire,jungle and ready to go!!!!
8. and did i mention ur cock will be huge!!!!
9. also the star will have rally really huge bozookas!!!
10. she will have really cheap,tacky makeup even if she is a prison inmate for chopping her husbands penis !!!
11. the shoe never comes off no matter what!
12. yes!!!everyone loves a three some even ur mom,ur wife with an absolute stranger!!!
13. the camera man guy can shoot and fuck at the same time!!!!tak about multi tasking!and also has the duty of passing comments like" ..oooooo look at those puppies!!!""yeah babby u like dat????""comon take ur top off!!!"
14. if ur Paris Hilton always and i mean always shoot in night mode only!
15. it is necessary to call them skanks, bitches, sluts, whore holes, or any variation of the aforementioned. You also have to slap them in the face, especially if it is done so with your weird looking penis
16. ahhh my request to mr camera guy!!!!! i ask that you stop zooming in on the male genitalia. This, again, is another erection killer.The shot of the man's testicles slapping against his grundle makes us kind of nauseous. Please keep the camera on the woman. To reiterate, no ball shots.
17. pls stop using dildo's,zucchini's,carrots,bananas and any thing except a real penis coz its really insulting to us men!!!
18. and for Christ's sake get a music director!!!!!the paakkang waaaao pakkang waaao base guitaring is a real mood killer!!!
19. also if possible get some convincing storyline!! the mad killer,r the janitor tapping a hot chick i really hard to believe!!!
20. yes finally did i mention he will have a huge cock??
21. and u must fake a orgasm!!!!!

ahhhh!!!
the sweet world of porn!!!while we men watch some really hi-DVD quality movies..women prefer to read erotic novels.
but the fact is plain and simple we all love porn!
so go and grab a copy of shaving Ryan's privates,one night at Paris,my hot teacher,or if u fancy local stuff there's always Indian porno with the horny truck driver tapping a fat mammas ass with the dil to paagal hai! soundtrack playing in the background!!!

also der is a porn dat siuts ur needs !!!
for ex:

1. S&M
2. blow jobs
3. threesomes
4. ball torture
5. porn of every race!
6. EVERY MAN/S FAVE LESBIAN PORN
7. gay porn for the girls
8. bizzare for the weirdos!
9. etc etc....

so u still feel ur alone ????






HAPPY WACKINGS!!!

Good times,Bad times

YEAR:2002
Riding a red color CBZ was a guy who was slightly drunk on whiskey doing around 90 k/hr on the road which led to the airport,he was a emotional wreck..he had lost touch with reality..he was so pissed at life..he wanted to blame someone ..but he had no one to blame but he himself and he knew it!

Just then a white Opel Astra whizzed past him and overtook him...the guy on the bike was following a straight path..at least dat wad he thot! the guy on the bike was carefully riding it coz he had just repaired his beloved bike.he saw the speed breaker at a distance wer a new Hotel called Intercontinental-The Grand was coming up,he was just gonna jump the speed breaker like always ..but wait !
the Opel Astra driver who by the way was driving very fast dint sse it coming!so to avoid the bumpy feeling the dude breaks hard and cut lane and comes in the lane wer the guy was coming in and SREEEECCH!!!! BREAK!!!!!SMASH!!!!THUD!!!!
THE GUY ON THE BIKE HIT THE CAR!!!!

He gets up ..picks up his bike and just rides away!!!coz he wasn't in the mood to argue!he was a guy who was full of acne,full of despair...a guy who had lost in love!

AND IF YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHO THE GUY WAS.....

ur just stupid then!

yes! its one of the rides i took that made me realize who i truly am..
i was a much calmer person then...i had just passed my S.S.C exams with a good %,had gotten into a good commerce college,fell in love..but nothing in my life lasted for long!!!and like all good times this too came to an end...
when i got back home dat night ..i was so angry at every1 ,i din know wad to do,i was confused,i hated life then!i hated everything that happened to me...but din know wad to do!

but boy!i din know wat life had in stored for me after that night was gonna be much worse than wad i could have ever imagined!!!!

after that night ...
i lost everything!
i was forcibly put in a engg. college,
i had lost hope of finding love,
i had become a bitter person,
i had no friends,
i had a family dat was falling apart,
i had no self-respect.
i felt like running away from it all!
i was the guy that who could have it all ..but was a guy who had lost it all!..

but i wasn't about to give up!

Year:2007,Time:Now

riding down the same road....riding a Blue-Pulsar-180(FEAR THE BLACK EDITION)not high on anything..but hope,cruising down the road at a speed of 60 k/hr waiting for my dear friend Tina to call me,listening to some MOTLEY CRUE was me once again!
passing the same Intercontinental-The Grand wer worked a girl who i had just dumped!was a road with no speed breakers or a Opel Astra to take my life!i was a man who was in love a after a really really long time!i wont just tell who this girl is ..u ppl will have to wait and watch like me too!to say a few things about her ..all i can say is that she is the sweetest,most wonderful girl i have ever known in my life!and i totally love her!

as i was cruising down the road i couldn't help but feel happy for a change!as i was listening to poison and my fave song by them called, Life Loves a Tragedy
singing to the chorus

Good times, bad times

How life loves a tragedy
Heartbreaks, heartaches
How life loves a tragedy

I couldn't agree with Brett micheals more on this 1....
i have agreed that my life does love a tragedy!
and i have learnt to live with it!
now after 6 years
i have true friends(Shilpa,Tina,Ritu,Roan,Durga)

a wonderful new pal(this 1z for ya supzie..A.K.A denty!)

look better!

feel good!

more confident!

more stable,

more sensible,

more responsible,

full of energy,

doing what i love doing the most,

and yes!

i am in love!
saying that:

"Forgive me for what I've done there
Cause I never meant the things I did"

now i have something to believe in!!!!
me!!!!!

and just wen my cell rang...it was my lovely friend Tina!
god i thought she'd never call!
we met,Shilpa bailed out on us !we chatted and i went home with a feeling of happiness that i rarely feel!

(and yes i haven't touched whiskey after that night till date!)

FRINGE BENIFITS?

Everyone has to go there u ..me..ur uncle..ur grandma..ur maid..everyone(except rock stars of course!!!)

some1 made a movie about it..(remember Everybody says i'm fine...??)crappy movie but a movie nonetheless about it!

dil chahata hai made it popular!

and now Hritik,SRK and the bollyweird gang r bringing sexy back!

Ladies salons r fine i suppose..i suppose for a guy like me a ladies salon must be full of bitching,trash talk,manicure,pedicure blah blah blah...and the occasional girl on girl action!(i hope!)
but wait!

hold ur thoughts ..men's salons r nothing like a female "beauty parlor"
though the men's salon has evolved over the years..i keep my distance from it !! 250+ bucks for a haircut !r u shitting me!
I'm a lazy guy!i admit it openly!in fact.. i only go for a haircut coz the line of work in which I'm involved needs a strict grooming standards when it comes to facial and head hair.(i will out the not so pretty areas in which hair grows on a man's body out of this coz of reasons i cannot tell.)

Ok so lets begin!

As i mentioned earlier that i am a lazy,cheap guy wen it comes to haircut's i go to the neighbourhood salon for the alpha-males.

For the female readers of this blog i shall now reveal wat goes on in the He-mans salon r the silver scissors r the raju hair parlor..i hope the salon mafia don't read this r else next time they won't be cutting my hair ...they will definately drug me and give me a vasectomy..for sure!

But since i have decided to bear all here i shall not stop!

An avg men's salon consists of 4-5 not so comfy chairs..
a air conditioner that barely works..and if in any case it does decide to work it will definitely freeze a man's balls off!

The smell....
how do i describe it....
its a mix of cheap aftershave,even cheaper talcum powder,hair,sweat and sometimes of that ac smell u get!

The haircut man/guy..
he is a creature straight outta hells salon !
he is this guy who will always have a mouth full of ghutka a even worse haircut than wad the give me!
usually a guy from U.P OR BIHAR with always a interesting story to tell abiut yesterdays cricket match,r y sanju baba should not have gone to jail r how bush is a terrorist!

wen ever u go fr a cut he will always make it a point to tie the sheet thingy around ur neck as tight as possible..r till ur face turns blue due to lack of air intake in ur lungs and brain!

..and no matter how much u tell them that u want ur hair short and simple the will...and i mean they will not listen to ya and make u look like a extra in some mithun movie!

I as the shaky,impatient person i am always try to shake and move to that i can get over the ordeal ASAP!but they always wrestle ya back to the chair !
i always am scared that one day one of these guys will gut off my ear r summin!

..and some how to my displeasure i ALWAYS GET STUCK WITH THE NEW SHAKY,TRAINEE KID IN THE SALON!SHEESH!
In the salon while the guy is happily chopping ur hair which as it is ..is leaving its nest rapidly..i have to bear with the latest mujick in the dance bar circuit!
i mean i was ok with Altaf raja's ear jarring vocals earlier ,but with these nexgen guys it himesh dat calls the shots!

now i wish the guy almost cut my ear's off!

..and one thing that always bothers me is ..is the hair that falls on ur face...to clean ur face the man uses a highly unhygienic germ infested soft brush which i don't know has brushed the faces of god knows only..how many acne ridden teenagers,guthka chewing men,r sweaty bhaaiyas..
but i choose to ignore it thinking ..hell! i don't think during the ordeal at all!

..and finally when the cut is over the thing i still never put my finger on is...y does he have to take a mirror and show u the back of ur head???its not as if u can see it anyways! and even if he does cut it badly there's not much u or he can do about it!!!

..and these days to ensure custommber satisphaction the guy also throws a mini head massage in for free!
as if the hair on my head wer not weak ennuf he has to yank it out now!

i wish how there wer a easir way to do this but unfortunately Thar's not!

but from wad i hear the pricey salons r no good either!so the service it get for 40 bucks will have to do for the moment..r till i go bald!

and one more thing i still cant wrap my head around is y do grown men need fruit facial in a cheap ass salon???they still look like pigs ....

and last but not the least is why do daddy's have to take their young daughters to the guys salons of a hair cut????