Then & now

They say change is the most constant thing in life...i cant tell if its true or not,but lately I've been feeling the change

changes can be good like how peter Parker got bit by the radioactive spider and became spiderman and bagged mary-jane or how logan the mutant became Wolverine when he was pumped with $1/2 billion worth of anamantium

But the change i have been feeling is summin which i thot wud never come to me ..the change of being responsible!

this very thought makes me feel sick...

I was watchin this movie called Wild hog's about these 4 guys in their 40's facing issues..i connected with John Travolta's character who has a life which his buddies think is great but he only knws that his wife has left him and he is bankrupt...just like him even i feel,not like a wild hog but a Wild Lamb who occasionally goes crazy!

What's evn scary is the fact that im only in my 20's and i feel like this ,does this mean by the time in hit 30's i'll loose my will to live and go jump off a ledge?

this is very weird coz i have been crazy,neurotic,wild,reckless and downright mean for a major part of my life!

I have been:

busted my mumbai police various times for "FUN" which crossed the line

Sat behind in the cop car in my Jammie's for the "FUN"

Spent 1 hour in a railway lockup for traveling with a ticket but on a ladies special train on Ganpati day(totally un-intentional)

Kicked the headlights and tail lights outta various rikshaws for not lettin me pass

Being drunk outta my head on various occasions and not liked it!

Dated the good,the bad and the FUGLY!

this list is kinda endless and never ending but i kust don't have it any more in me!

These days i have mellowed out like a a gay guy in a all lesbian bar!

just the thought of doin something reckless makes me go whimp!

Many say i have changed for the better..but have I?

i was a guy who was always materialistic and greedy ...i was LEX LUTHOR..i was self obsessed and mean ..i used to get what i wanted at any cost ...even if it meant altering my persona putting up an act or even endangering sum1's life but now i just don't have the will power man! Sometimes i miss the old me ..he was the black suit wearing spider man,he was Sylar no matter how good they want to be or do they jst cannot!

As i reflect inside me trying to find out wat happened to the goal driven,self obsessed,greedy vivek who got the job done while being the Vivek who's become lazy,wimpy, and a pussy

Wish me luck!

CHICKS=TROUBLE

THIS SONG'S JUST STUCK IN MY HEAD...

MOTLEY CRUE'S

CHICKS=TROUBLE

HEAR THE SONG IF U CAN

Rolls Royce shoppin',
Like a damn puppet,
Love my cash in Beverly Hills.

Gold Car Lover,
Hamptins watch my cover, *
Hoochie went and jacked up my bills.

Well I know I shouldn't say it, but truth be told,
I really thought that pussy was gold.

Chicks = Trouble,
You had it up again with your gift.*
Chicks = Trouble,
I always step right in,
I always step right in the shit.

Oh yea, I have a jet,
My balls are deep in debt,
And all she hears is cha-cha-cha-ching

But she was more,
A gold-digging whore,
Here come the lawyers again.

Chicks = Trouble,
You had it up again with your gift.*
Chicks = Trouble,
They'll kick you when your down in the ditch.
Chicks = Trouble,
I always step right in,
I always step right in the shit.

They never said I could catch this from a center fold,
I got it bad and the doctor said I should've known,
I should've known, I should've known.

Chicks = Trouble,
You had it up again with your gift.*
Chicks = Trouble,
They'll kick you when your down in the ditch.
Chicks = Trouble,
You had it up again with your gift.*

Oh you had enough?
You get what you give
Oh

Oh no.

It snows in HELL!!

Aureen my girlfriend tells me these days"Baby ur lookin fairer these days" now i don't knw if i should take it as a compliment or as a sick cruel joke by god and as if that's not enough i have a select few females who give me looks of late(i dunno i never noticed but that's wat my pals tell me) as a guy i find it real flattering when girls are checking me out( go planet health!!)but at the same time i find this really weird and unfair too!

As a guy all ur life u wait and wait for girls to notice u and it never happens u always loose out to the punk with the money and a bike...well i had both but i always lost i dunno why!

UNTIL ONE DAY.....

...... I FOUND THIS!

Yes u read correctly ..its called Tibet Snow cream..and yes its made in Pakistan!

It was lyin on my table all this time i thot it was my folks ka backache balm r summin now i assume this was given to my dad by his barber shop buddies..and some how i was destined to land in my hands!

its a guy tendency to try things whic are generally not safe like drugs,drink and drive ,experimental face creams but wat the heck who cares? we are men and men don't think of consequences!

it smells like a salon and feel like snow and it does make ur skin look good!

now im using this sparingly coz i dunno wer i can get more of this my gal even googled it but never found out anything...i think god himself makes this stuff!

so as i enjoy this new found attention which the Tibet snow cream has given me all i can say is ...

in life there are winners and there are losers ....till then BE JEALOUS!

Call 911

My car...my beloved new car...my beloved new spanking new car....h..ha..has been damaged!

Sunday morning some random biker happen to crash on my car which was comfortably resting under a tree fully polished and shiny! the sick biker the onlookers told me crashed his whole bike on my rear left door and was so scared he'd have to sell his house to pay for the damages he did ...ran away like the cock less driver he was!

P.s: for the people who dun knw i happen to own a brand new red colour Honda city

i shall update pics of the carnage later in the day....please mourn with me till then

10 Products Which the world needs

In today's time where recession is the talk of the town,in this troubled times where people have no jobs(including me) people are getting their lab coats outta the closets to make a extra buck.

So children LETS GET INVENTIN' YAW

number 10:The love gun, A Dildo which has a gun bulit in it(come with standard testicle shaped cartridges).

not only will this keep u warm at night this will even keep u safe wen ur husband or watchman*wink*wink* is outta town!

so cock this gun up ladies!

number 9: Ass flavored Gum

just dun be a asshole smell like one too!

number 8: Chilly flavoured condoms

cmon spice up ur sex life bro!

number 7: Soaps which smell like sweat

for lazy people who wanna show their frenz they had a hard day at work!one wash and smell like sweat(comes in gujju,bhaiya and ghaati flavours)

number 6: Tobbaco bread

for people who dun go to loo with out a smoke in the morning...good way to have a meal on the go!

number 5: opposite warewolves

Dun be scared!! they turn into human on a full moon day...rest of the time unleash them on to ur loved ones!

Number 4: The pussy troll

For any other maids who intend to work at Shiney Ahuja's residence!

Number 3: You tube,Twitter and Facebook to join forces!

the result....?

www.youtwitface.com!

number 2: Karela toothpaste

For all BMC employees,cops etc...i guess ud rather smell that than guthka huh?

number 1: AXE urinal tryst deo

dun just look like a Latrine smell like one too!

BA.. BA.. BA....BACK..BACK TO THE ROCKING HORSE!!

Guess who's back!

the congress(god save us)?

the crooked cop?

the curry bashing Aussie?

Rescission?

nope!

your very own highly opinionated,loud mouth,racially biased,aristocratic yet lovable blogger is back in business !

Since i love picking on all people (Except maself) i shall continue this tradition!

after all it just wont be me if i din do it!

coz...

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings!

so on with bizness!
i came up with this idea (well i'd like to call it an original but it aint)

to describe in one word/sentence wat i think of people i love and the people i hate!(the latter have been granted more words ...coz i make the rules! if u have a problem bite me!)

So let the public bashing begin!

My girlfriend Aureen: Love

My pal shashank: Churan A.K.A CM saahab

Rohan: Bitchy Pal who i love to Bitch with

Durgesh: Dim,some one who thinks he is smart but is full of fart(literally)

Supriya: Sweet

Ritu: Married

Tina: Whiny

Shilpa: Bittersweet

Satmeet: Laandya

Shuba: cud fly if she cud flap her ears/ nice person

Neha: loudmouth,gossipy maharastrian Aunty(in the future)

Kush: plays dumb but is smart

Manoj: gay for me( i aint kiddin)

Rahul: Axl rose cus he is weird like him! crazy talented but weird!

DAD: BJP President Rajnath Singh(wiki him and then tell me if they r alike!)

Mum: need friends!

Sister: needs rich friends!

Meghna: wish she get petro bombed by an aussie touring England and lives to tell the tale !

Her boyfriend: a dog with no legs Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Stop looking,Start seeing,Do something India

Just over a week ago our country experienced its worst ever terror attack.We all saw and know what happened,most mourned,lit candles,took a protest march out like i did ..but for what?

Do we really think we all are making a difference by doing this?wats so different this time?why din we do it the last time wen bombs went off on trains? the only thing that comes to my mind is that we all lost hope and are genuinely scared coz b4 ppl used to plant bombs and run,but this time we wer being hunted down by only 10 guys who came in a dingy? and  held all of u ransom?

i dont blame the terrorists or the paki's for what they did..surprised ? pls dont be coz we let em do it us!

each and ever one of us is corrupt and careless!

yes coz we all started it by fighting for our religion,cast, our so called dick less leaders!

For what i ask?

did any one frm the thakery clan or the gandhi clan come to save us?

no coz they don care for us..coz they have bullet proof cars and Z grade security sponsored by us!

I know there is no point in talking about anything coz very few care and like for those like me who Love this country..all i ask is that Mr. politician allow me to buy a gun ..not to kill myself...but to kill those who don't do their job like you..or at lest to kill the motherfucker who came in a boot to kill my people ..coz i dun wanna die a nameless death or be called a martyr ..bcoz if i choose  to die i shall die fighting and take the bastard to the hell he deserves for making my people's one!

VIGILANTLY JUSTICE FOR ALL GUILTY!